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Basic Toilet Humor

Restroom comedy has always been the reliable retreat in everyday journalism, and publications remain attentive regarding memorable lavatory incidents and milestones, especially in relation to football. What a delight it was to learn that Big Website columnist Adrian Chiles owns a West Bromwich Albion-inspired toilet in his house. Reflect for a moment about the Tykes follower who understood the bathroom somewhat too seriously, and had to be saved from a deserted Oakwell following dozing off in the toilet midway through a 2015 losing match versus the Cod Army. “His footwear was missing and misplaced his cellphone and his headwear,” explained an official from the local fire department. And who can forget when, at the height of his fame playing for City, the Italian striker entered a community college for toilet purposes during 2012. “His luxury car was stationed outside, then came in and was asking where the toilets were, afterward he visited the teachers' lounge,” an undergraduate shared with local Manchester media. “Subsequently he wandered around the college grounds as if he owned it.”

The Toilet Resignation

This Tuesday commemorates a quarter-century from when Kevin Keegan quit as the England coach following a short conversation inside a lavatory booth together with Football Association official David Davies in the bowels of Wembley, after the notorious 1-0 loss against Germany in 2000 – England’s final match at the historic stadium. As Davies remembers in his diary, his confidential FA records, he had entered the sodden beleaguered England dressing room directly following the fixture, discovering David Beckham crying and Tony Adams energized, both players begging for the director to convince Keegan. Following Dietmar Hamann’s free-kick, Keegan had trudged down the tunnel with a distant gaze, and Davies discovered him collapsed – similar to his Anfield posture in 1996 – in the corner of the dressing room, whispering: “I'm leaving. This isn't for me.” Stopping Keegan, Davies attempted urgently to save the circumstance.

“Where could we possibly locate [for a chat] that was private?” remembered Davies. “The passageway? Swarming with media. The changing area? Crowded with emotional footballers. The shower area? I was unable to have a crucial talk with the national coach while athletes jumped in the pool. Only one option presented itself. The lavatory booths. A crucial incident in the Three Lions' storied past occurred in the ancient loos of a venue scheduled for destruction. The coming demolition was almost tangible. Pulling Kevin into a stall, I closed the door after us. We stood there, facing each other. ‘You can’t change my mind,’ Kevin said. ‘I’m out of here. I’m not up to it. I'll inform the media that I'm not adequate. I'm unable to energize the team. I can’t get the extra bit out of these players that I need.’”

The Results

Consequently, Keegan quit, eventually revealing he viewed his period as Three Lions boss “without spirit”. The double Ballon d'Or recipient continued: “I found it hard to fill in the time. I found myself going and training the blind team, the deaf squad, assisting the women's team. It's an extremely challenging position.” English football has come a long way during the last 25 years. Whether for good or bad, those stadium lavatories and those iconic towers are no longer present, while a German now sits in the coaching zone Keegan formerly inhabited. Tuchel's team is considered among the frontrunners for next year’s Geopolitics World Cup: National team followers, value this time. This particular anniversary from one of the Three Lions’ darkest days acts as a memory that circumstances weren't consistently this positive.

Current Reports

Tune in with Luke McLaughlin at 8pm British Summer Time for Women’s Bigger Cup updates concerning Arsenal's match against Lyon.

Daily Quotation

“There we stood in a long row, clad merely in our briefs. We represented Europe's top officials, top sportspeople, examples, grown-ups, parents, determined individuals with high morals … yet nobody spoke. We scarcely made eye contact, our gazes flickered a bit nervously when we were requested to advance in couples. There Collina observed us from top to bottom with a chilly look. Silent and observant” – former international referee Jonas Eriksson discloses the embarrassing processes officials were once put through by previous European football refereeing head Pierluigi Collina.

Daily Football Correspondence

“What’s in a name? There exists a Dr Seuss poem called ‘Too Many Daves’. Did Blackpool encounter Steve Overload? Steve Bruce, plus assistants Steve Agnew and Steve Clemence have been dismissed through the exit. So is that the end of the club’s Steve obsession? Not completely! Steve Banks and Steve Dobbie continue to take care of the first team. Total Steve progression!” – John Myles

“Now that you've relaxed spending restrictions and awarded some merch, I have decided to put finger to keypad and make a pithy comment. Ange Postecoglou states that he picked fights on the school grounds with children he expected would overpower him. This masochistic tendency must account for his choice to sign with Nottingham Forest. As an enduring Tottenham follower I'll continue appreciating the subsequent season award yet the only follow-up season honor I predict him achieving by the Trent, if he lasts that long, is the second tier and that would be a significant battle {under the present owner” – Stewart McGuinness.|